Fantasy Football Manager Clearly Doing Live Draft During Grandfather’s Eulogy

ST. PETERSBURG, FL – Brian Forbes, 34, grandson of the deceased, ascended the podium at Serenity Fields Memorial Chapel holding his phone.

"This isn't going at all how I expected," Forbes began, his voice tight with an emotion the family initially mistook for sorrow. He shook his head, sighing heavily as he scrolled with a frantic thumb.

"No matter how much you prepare, it just takes one guy that doesn't know what he's doing to disrupt the whole flow. The whole integrity of the process is compromised."

A confused murmur rippled through the pews. His cousin, Mark, leaned over to his wife while also on his phone. "Who takes a tight end in the first round?"

As if sensing the shift in the room, Forbes looked up, his eyes momentarily registering the sea of black attire and tear-streaked faces.

He blinked as if realizing where he was. "And... and that's kinda how life goes, isn't it?" he pivoted, his voice gaining a preacher's cadence.

"No matter how much you prepare, life is gonna throw you a curveball. And let's hope that ball is better thrown than how Sam Darnold threw down the stretch last year. I know... I know Grandpa would've wanted that for me. A reliable quarterback situation after that mess." He looked over at his grandfather's casket, but his eyes darted back to his phone. "He always valued consistency."

Forbes’s phone buzzed with an audible notification, causing him to flinch.

"And let's hope CMC holds up better than grandpa did down the stretch too, 'cuz it's looking like that might be the play at the turn," he muttered.

"I know. It's tough. But Grandpa Fred was a rock for this family. A true RB1, with a reliable workload. You could always count on him for 20-plus touches every Sunday... He carried the load."

He paused, a single tear forming. "But we have to look at the analytics. The man had a great run, a Hall of Fame career. But that ankle... On granpa... Let's be honest, we were all worried. It makes me hesitant to pull the trigger on guys like that?"

The funeral director was beginning to sidle up the aisle, his expression one of gentle but firm intervention.

Forbes, sensing his time was short, sped up. "In closing, Grandpa was a champion. And an original. He believed in a world that valued RB's despite our move recently to PPR. He was the ultimate sleeper pick back in 1960 when Grandma snagged him off the... waiver wire of life." He sniffled, wiping his nose on his sleeve.

"Now, if you'll all excuse me," he concluded, holding his phone aloft as if presenting a sacrament, "I have to see if this Taco is gonna let Amon Ra fall to me in the second. This would be an absolute steal. For Grandpa."