Nation's Sports Bars Encourage Football Fans to Come Yell “Come On!” at Their TV’s This Season

MINNEAPOLIS— The National Sports Bar Association issued a joint press release Monday, confirming that establishments nationwide are primed and ready for patrons to spend another season yelling "Come on!" at their myriad TV's.

"We have spared no expense to ensure that when a running back gets stuffed at the one yard line, our nation's fans have a publicly acceptable forum to unleash a full throated 'COME ON!'" said NSBA chairman Bob O'Malley.

"Leave the sterile, judgmental environment of your own home. Your family may not appreciate the nuanced passion it takes to scream at a multi millionaire athlete through a 80-inch screen, but we do. We understand that your strategic, well-timed 'Come on!' is the only thing preventing a complete defensive collapse."

The initiative, branded "Come On, DeShawn" encourages fans to abandon their domestic responsibilities and anxieties to embrace a more communal form of angst.

"Why suffer through a heartbreaking, last second field goal miss with people you love?" the press release reads.

"Come to a place where you can share that agony with dozens of strangers, all united in the shared, irrational belief that their collective two word mantra can somehow influence the trajectory of a ball hundreds of miles away."

"Your wife doesn't appreciate your well curated rallying cry in the front room. She doesn't understand that the Vikings only came back from that impossible deficit against the Colts three years ago because you bravely yelled 'Come on!' at Kirk Cousins 37 times in a 3 hour period. She'll never understand that need of yours. But we do. And so does Becky serving up $8 drafts at the bar with just enough tasteful cleavage to make you forget you're there with 47 other men."

Sports bars across the country have reportedly invested heavily in features to enhance the "Come on!" experience. This includes reinforced bar tops for dramatic slamming, strategically placed propped stools to shake, and high definition, slow motion replays designed to elicit a secondary, more desperate "Oh, come ON!" from patrons.

Dr. Patel, a sociologist from the University of Phoenix Online, praised the move. "This is a vital service for the male id," Dr. Patel explained.

"These men, and it is almost exclusively heterosexual men. are participating in a modern tribal ritual. They believe their shouts, their pleas to a deaf and indifferent universe, are a form of spiritual intervention. Did yelling 'Come on!' actually cause that touchdown? Empirically, no. But in the beer soaked, wing scented cathedral of the sports bar, for a few glorious, meaningless hours, we'll help you convince yourselves it did."