Man Takes ADD Medication to Finish One Project, Starts 14 New Side Quests Instead

ST PETERSBURG, FL – Dylan Forbes, a 34-year-old graphic designer and self diagnosed sufferer of attention deficit disorder, reportedly ingested a 30mg dose of ADD medication on Sunday morning with the noble intention of finally completing a backyard fence project that has languished unfinished for the better part of a year.

However, sources close to Forbes confirm that rather than continuing his main quest, he was instantly lured away by a succession of increasingly random "side quests," leaving the fence untouched and his home littered with the chaotic evidence of his many half finished fleeting ambitions.

“It was a relic from a past battle,” Forbes told reporters from his driveway, gesturing vaguely toward the skeletal remains of the fence while holding a newly purchased, top of the line laser level.

“My cousin gave me a couple of these orange power ups eight months ago to help me power through it. That day, I ended up alphabetizing my spice rack, color coding my album collection, and trying to teach my dog how to ride a skateboard. I forgot I still had one left.”

Emboldened by a renewed sense of purpose and the potent effects of the amphetamine fueled focus, Forbes declared Sunday “the day of reckoning for that fence.”

Nearly seven hours later, Dylan was no closer to finishing the fence.

His phone’s notepad, however, now contained meticulously outlined plots for three new children’s books, a half-finished business plan for a gourmet toast café, and a surprisingly in-depth analysis of wide receivers for the upcoming fantasy football season.

His home, meanwhile, was littered with evidence of his many detours: a newly installed smart thermostat, a disassembled air fryer laid out like a surgical prep table, and a single, perfectly repainted accent wall in a shade of cerulean blue that he has since decided he “viscerally despises.”

The day’s diversions began, Forbes explained, with a simple trip to Ace Hardware for a new battery for his power drill. It was there he encountered the first NPC that derailed his quest.

“I was on a mission, you know? In and out,” Forbes recounted, his eyes wide and connected to a brain with scattered ambitions.

“But then this guy in a red vest approached me at the entrance. He had this... aura about him. And I could tell he needed my help.”

The Ace Hardware employee, a villager named Kevin, reportedly flagged down the determined Forbes with an offer he couldn’t refuse.

“Hail, adventurer!” Kevin is said to have proclaimed.

“I can see by your brisk pace and the fire in your eyes that you are a champion of great deeds. I find myself in a perilous situation and was hoping a hero of your stature might lend his aid. You see, a fearsome dragon… or, uh, a massive shipment of discounted guttering hath arrived, and I must move it all before the king... my manager returns on the morrow. My wife and I have been saving for a new steed, a 2018 Honda Odyssey, and your assistance would earn you my eternal gratitude… and a 45% discount that expires at 7PM tonight.”

Unable to resist the siren song of a new undertaking, Forbes accepted the "Gutter Gambit" quest without hesitation. Two hours and four hundred dollars later, he returned home the proud owner of a complete guttering system for a house that, according to his wife, “already has perfectly functional gutters.”

The rest of the day unfolded in a similar fashion. A neighbor out for a walk transformed into an “anxious courier” with a “time-sensitive delivery” of a Tupperware container that needed urgent returning.

A robocall from an unknown number became a “disembodied oracle” foretelling of an “unmissable opportunity” to extend his car’s warranty. Each distraction was met with the same unwavering, chemically enhanced fleeting focus and enthusiasm.

As dusk fell, Forbes stood amidst the scattered remnants of his day's “adventures.” The fence remained a monument to his unfinished ambitions, a skeletal finger pointing accusingly at the sky. Yet, he was not defeated.

“Look, the main quest is important... I get it,” he said, holding up a phone now buzzing with reminders for his newly scheduled “Homemade Cold Brew Initiative.”

“But you can’t just ignore the villagers. They’re what make life interesting. The fence will be there tomorrow. And who knows? Maybe I’ll find a magical artifact while I'm cleaning out the attic that will help me finish it.”

At press time, Forbes was reportedly seen in his garage, meticulously organizing his collection of mismatched screws while listening to a podcast on the history of ancient Babylonian Hip Hop.

The fence, observers noted, had a new, handwritten sign leaning against it intended as reassurance for his wife: “Coming Soon.”